First of all let’s talk about this concept of ‘other people.’  There are two big mistakes most of us make with this: first of all we have this idea that ‘other people’ is some mass of connected brains all sharing the same judgmental thoughts, instead of individuals who are all thinking different things. And, second, we think we’re psychic. “I know what they’re thinking..” let me stop you there because no you don’t.

That woman who seemed to be frowning during your presentation maybe actually had a banging headache. That guy who seemed totally uninterested might be thinking about his kid who is being bullied at school, or about a work deadline or about lunch. You just don’t know.

Worrying about being judged by others is a waste of energy..

…and god knows energy feels hard to come by sometimes. And don’t you want to use your brainpower for better things? Maybe you’d find a cure for cancer if you wasted less time worrying about being judged by others. Or at least make a decision about where to go on holiday or what to have for lunch.

How to stop thinking about being judged by others

Use this mantra: What other people think is none of my business.

Until you develop psychic powers all your guesses are going to be wrong (and my experience tells me they are probably all negative and self-critical too). Here’s the boundary you need to have with you: unless it’s in your head – or it’s something actually being vocalised to you – then it’s none of your beeswax.

Ask yourself why what they think matters to you.

Often we tell ourselves it matters because we want to do a good job and get ahead at work (presentation) or be liked by people. But it’s actually because we’re trying to pre-empt, and avoid, rejection. Be honest now, that’s what it is isn’t it.

And if that’s the real problem then obsessing about what others think is actually going to increase the potential for rejection. It can make you keep your distance from people because you’ve decided they don’t like you. Or make you ultra awkward in situations where you’re sure you’re being judged. And what’s sad is that your actions are being driven by negative fiction – you just don’t need to ruin your experience of life like that.

Ready to stop wasting energy and brainpower on this? Recalibrating your thought processes so that you’re able to let go of fears like being judged by others is a big part of what I do in resilience coaching. Because clear-sightedness is the basis of resilience – and exhausting ourselves with imagined awfulness is not. 

Book an intro call with me today and I’ll show you how this works in just 9 sessions.

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