What is Resilience?

It’s so much more than just surviving.

Defining resilience

Resilience is about mindset – we can choose how we respond to what happens to us. We all have a base level of resilience but you can develop this from ‘survive’ mode to ‘thrive.’ We know resilience as the ability to bounce back after setbacks and adversity but building resilience also helps us start to intentionally and proactively go out and get what we want from life.

Resilience is not…

Resilience is often narrowly viewed and misdefined, so it’s also useful to clarify what resilience is not..

  • Being ‘tough,’ strong and silent
  • Ignoring your feelings
  • Putting up walls to hide who you are
  • Ignoring conversations you need to have
  • Perfectionism and unrealistic standards
  • Focusing on others’ expectations and judgments over your own self-knowing
  • Ignoring intuition because it’s woo
  • Dismissing self-care, self-compassion and openness as weak, indulgent or soft
  • Denying yourself what you really need because it doesn’t fit with the idea you have of who you ‘should’ be.

Shore Coaching

How I work with resilience

I use a transformational model of life coaching, weaving in resilience intelligence, NLP and somatic techniques based around a 6-9 session structure. We will work together towards a specific outcome you want to achieve, whether that is finding the freedom to fulfil your potential or becoming a confident decision-maker.

Session 1 – establishing the outcome (final coaching goal) based on where you are now and where you want to be when the coaching process comes to an end.

Session 2 – defining milestones i.e. the changes that need to occur practically, emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially (etc) to make that final outcome happen.

Session 3 – 6 (0r 9) – identifying practical actions to do between sessions to move you forward, challenging what is holding you back, finding ideas and inspiration, shifting narratives and building confidence and self belief.

All my clients need something different

There are lots of different ways to build up emotional resilience. Some of the most powerful, in my experience, involve are clarity, confidence, intuitive connection and courage. This is how (and why) they work:

CLARITY. “I see this situation clearly without overwhelm, fear or limiting beliefs.”

The way we see situations – and people – can be clouded by limiting beliefs, negative narratives and what other people think. Resilience coaching focuses on clarity and self-actualisation. What you want and what you don’t want when all of the other influences are taken away. It’s here that you can see yourself, your purpose and your needs clearly.

INTUITION. “I am able work out what the best thing is for me here.”

Intuition is not woo woo. This is about connecting to the inner intelligence you have established over the years through experiences, knowledge and perspective. Call it instinct, intuition, or your gut – we all have it but few of us use it. Resilience coaching creates a stronger connection to it so that you can make positive decisions that are right for you.

Resilience Coaching - Shore Coaching - An Infographic

CONFIDENCE. “I’m backing myself, I believe in myself.”

Confidence comes from the latin word ‘fidere,’ which means ‘to trust.’ Some of the greatest moments in our lives come when we are able to trust ourselves, back ourselves and believe in ourselves – but it’s not always easy to do. Resilience coaching builds confidence, whether through stronger self-knowledge and love or getting you outside your comfort zone.

COURAGE. “I’m pushing through uncertainty/anxiety and taking action.”

The opposite of doubt is courage. This is what enables us to be emotionally vulnerable so that we can create strong connections and genuine intimacy, to have the hard conversations, to go for what we want and take the next step even if there is no guarantee of success. It’s also often what enables us to get up and try again after we’ve fallen flat on our face. Resilience coaching focuses on building reserves of courage so that it becomes a lifelong habit.