… and the harder it will be to direct the course of our own lives.
Yes I know, you were taught showing emotion is weak, right? So much better to stuff it down, compartmentalise, pretend that you’re not feeling anything.
Well, guess what, all this time you thought you were creating control, you were actually making your life harder. Because what you resist, persists – and emotions like grief or jealousy can get HUGE when they are resisted. And then burst out of you exactly when you don’t want them to.
How to be resilient 101: emotional regulation
In coaching I help people to get comfortable with all emotions. Which can mean anything, from being able to feel anger to letting yourself feel joy. You’ll shift from feeling like you have to control your emotions to just allowing them to arrive and then leave. So that you’re not holding on to any of them by suppressing them and you’re not wasting energy on shaming yourself for having emotions you don’t want to feel.
We also start using emotions to propel you forward in life. Emotions are GOOD. Powerful. They are the spark that makes you take action. Why would you want to put that out? Why not learn how to channel it in the right direction instead.
It doesn’t have to be this hard. Trust me. You’re just a few perspective and behaviour shifts away from a totally different emotional experience. One that makes you feel like you have power and autonomy in your own life, rather than everything just happening to you.
Resilience does not mean emotionless
The fact that resilience has been associated with not showing emotion is the bain of my life. You literally cannot be resilient if you aren’t comfortable enough with your emotions to feel them and have them. Nope, not possible.
You cannot be adaptable, flexible or bounce back from adversity if you’ve got a boiling cauldron of suppressed anger/fear/jealousy/shame pushed down inside that could explode out of you as soon as you’re triggered.
It’s just not how humans function effectively.
Emotions shape your reality. Stop being afraid of them and learn how to work with them to empower you and accelerate your goals and dreams instead.
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