That’s why I am not sad to see it go.
Losing oestrogen is destabilising, yes. But that loss also loosens some of the people pleaser programming that holds so many women down. Oestrogen has potentially kept us accommodating, nurturing, and perpetually worried about making others comfortable all our lives. And then during perimenopause.. the fog of compliance lifts.
We just finally run out of fucks to give.
And that’s why perimenopause is a breakthrough not a breakdown
Sure, society loves to treat this transition like a slow, tragic slide into irrelevance. Of course it does. The bigger the threat you are to the patriarchy the more shame you’ll have directed at you to stop you seeing that. And the truth is, women ARE a threat in midlife. We become absolute weapons for these reasons:
- We get angry. Honestly, I think this is just a delayed reaction to boundary violations tolerated for decades. But now the anger is visceral. And it’s finally going to stop you prioritising everyone else’s comfort over your own sanity.
- We stop overextending ourselves at work for people who wouldn’t notice if we disappeared. Did I leave at 5pm because I am no longer interested in winning the invisible competition of who can look busiest Karen? Yes. Yes I did.
- We lock in on what genuinely matters to us and start to feel that’s actually ok. Building physical strength. Starting a new business. Having days where you lose track of time. Being able to prioritise kids and loved ones. Buying an animal shelter. Becoming a witch. Why the fuck not.
And let’s talk about the body liberation. Yes, your body is changing. But there is an intoxicating freedom in finally detonating the beauty standards designed by men who think women should perpetually look like teenagers. Perimenopause forces a radical shift in perspective. No more exercising to punish your body for existing – now, we move to feel strong. You stop dressing for the male gaze or societal approval and start dressing for pure comfort and power.
There is also a primal, electric energy that comes with the biological shift. You’re transitioning into The Wise Woman, Hecate, The Rebel, Hannah Waddingham – pick your archetype or icon. You’ve survived the heartbreaks, the career grinds, the childcare marathons (if you had kids), and the heavy societal expectations. You have nothing left to prove to anyone.
The next hot flush? Think of it less as a malfunction and more like your body incinerating the old, people-pleasing version of you to make room for the powerhouse emerging underneath.
I’m increasingly suspicious of any story that tells women that life gets smaller – or declines – after 40.
Especially when so many of us are discovering that it can get considerably more interesting. Exciting. And – thanks in part to oestrogen leaving the building – a whole lot more free.
Lean into the fire.
Welcome to your upgrade 🙂
