What makes someone good at managing people? To answer this question you could look at how someone makes people feel – the affect they have on them. Or you could look at how many boxes they tick on ‘manager’ criteria. But these methods don’t necessarily get to the heart of what makes someone a good manager. Or the things you can focus on changing if someone needs to improve. My view is that there are 3 things we often overlook in terms of what makes someone good at managing people.
3 things that affect how good we are at managing people
- Shame.
- Attachment style.
- Authenticity.
If you’re not getting the results you want as a manager – or from a manager or leader – it’s unlikely that the answer is another career coach or course on management. This is about self awareness – what’s underneath. Taking the time to understand who you are and what you do so that this doesn’t leak into the way you manage others.
Shame
Most of us don’t recognise we have hidden shame but most of us have it. If you have hidden shame it means you’ll use shame against other people, consciously or not, as a way to get them to do what you want. You may also be a perfectionist who is never satisfied – with your work or anyone else’s – and impossible to please as a result. It means you’ll create an environment where failure is unacceptable so people are afraid to try.
Authenticity
If you struggle to be yourself you will expect others to play small too and react negativity when they don’t. And you’re more likely to be a people pleaser, unable to set boundaries who models bad work life balance to your team and compromises progress in order to be liked. Without true authenticity you will never play to your strengths – and neither will you be able to help others play to theirs.
Attachment style
Attachment style is how you relate to others and any insecure attachment style is going to impact how you manage. Anxious attachers, for example can be too obsessed with being liked by their team and hyper sensitive to feedback. While someone with an avoidant attachment may struggle to accept anyone else’s input and find team dynamics hard to understand.
I’ve helped a whole range of leaders and manager uproot these underlying issues. It’s about unlearning the thoughts and behaviours that hold you back from being the best version of you in everything you do. Want to find out more? Book a free intro call. You can also download my free 5 Questions to Increase Stress Resilience here.
