I was waiting in line at the post office in my local Spar this week and being subjected to old 80s christmas songs because I couldn’t drown them out with the Wicked soundtrack in my headphones. And it occurred to me how demandingChristmas is when it comes to our feelings.
I mean don’t get me wrong it’s got its good bits. But Christmas – or at least the advertising and social conditioning around it – demand ONLY JOY from us at this time of year. While at the same time creating the perfect storm for lots of other less than fun feelings – shame, loneliness, grief, resentment, anger.. (shall I go on..)
And what happens when we start to feel an emotion that isn’t in line with what’s “festive” – we probably shame ourselves for it. Suppress it. Push it down. Numb it with a mug of Baileys or 19 roast potatoes.
Christmas sometimes sucks
First of all, I’d like to change the perception of Christmas as a joyous time of year – not to be a killjoy but to introduce some compassion for ourselves (which is often bizarrely missing from a time that is supposed to be about love) and also a bit of reality. It’s joyous and it’s awful. It’s fun and it’s difficult. It’s beautiful and it’s horrible.
It was really only when my dad died that I stopped gaslighting myself about Christmas. It’s never the same when someone like that dies. It just isn’t. Accepting that – and all the feelings around it – has led me to actually connecting to real joy at christmas.
Because if you’re numbing ‘bad’ feelings you’re also numbing the good ones. Consequently, when you start allowing yourself to feel more of the bad feelings, then (and only then) will you get more of the good ones too. Sorry that’s just how it works.
If you think your feelings are ‘bad’ try this..
Rather than looking at some feelings as ‘bad’ and some as ‘good’ try this distinction instead.
Which feelings connect you to yourself, others and life? And which ones separate you?
This can change things significantly. For example, sadness or grief are emotions we can pigeonhole as bad but actually they are heart opening emotions that can make us feel connected to others even though they are hard to feel.
And it takes such love and strength to be honest and vulnerable when you’re having hard feelings at a time when they’re ‘not allowed’ and not let them leak out in passive aggression.
Maybe being a Grinch is the spirit of Christmas after all.. 🎄🎄🎄
