Hello sensitive soul. Because I’m guessing that if you decided to click on this link you feel like you are sensitive. And perhaps that’s caused you some problems. Some pain. You feel more than other people. More deeply. More often. More overwhelmingly. And more of what others feel, not just what you feel.
Well this is a safe space for you because that’s me too. Let me tell you something I overheard being said about me when I was a kid.
“Poor Alex. She is just too sensitive for this world.” People say shit like this without thinking. Putting someone who is different to them in the ‘other’ box. Usually it’s simply because they are not sensitive and are either a little bit afraid of it or find it annoying because they don’t have the capacity to feel as deeply or they just don’t understand it.
Sensitivity = strength
Now that I know what I know, and I’ve done what I’ve done, I’d like to go back to that person today and punch them in the… no, wait, sorry.. I mean set them right.
And this is what I’d say: “Incorrect my friend. At the age you were judging me, I just hadn’t learned self trust and how to handle the impact of life on my nervous system – yet. I had yet to realise what a superpower it is to be able to feel and empathise and connect in this way because I didn’t know how to nurture and protect it. and because people like you seem to think it’s a weakness I felt shame which made it even worse.”
I am a sensitive little flower
As a child I was described as shy, sensitive, a daydreamer, thoughtful, quiet, reserved etc.
And yet – without changing my sensitivity (because I treasure it) – as an adult I get described as confident, assertive, kind, authoritative, bold, authentic, empathetic and courageous. Someone even called me a ‘powerhouse’ last year.
So how does that work? How did I suppress my sensitivity so that I could finally be confident?
Actually I did the opposite. I went deeper into my sensitivity. I embraced it. I stopped apologising for it. I started getting angry with people who tried to paint it as weak or abnormal or less than. I haven’t actually punched someone in the face but I get the urge to do it any time I hear sensitivity being slandered. Because what a gift it is to have a sensitive person in your life and how dare you make them feel like they’re not good enough when actually they have so much to give. Sensitivity is an abundance of being human. It’s so so powerful. So beautiful. What does it say about society that it glorifies people who don’t have this gift.
Sensitive to confident + leadership and power
One thing a lot of us miss is how well sensitivity fits with leadership and power. The healthy version of these things. They go together – sensitivity and confidence, thoughtfulness and authority. They are natural partners.
That may not fit with the dominant narratives of patriarchal bolshiness you’re used to – that it’s the ones who feel less and shout more that are the most confident.
But I am living proof that it’s the habits and behaviours we practice every day that make us truly able to cope, to stand up for ourselves, to create, drive and thrive – not how loud we shout to cover our insecurities; how we seem to others. And that’s something that’s really important to note: a lot of people suppress feelings, hide them and abandon themselves – creating a fake facade of not being sensitive when in fact they are. And those people suffer deeply because of it. And miss out on so much. Which is why if you’re sensitive I want you to start leaning into it and embrace it. Flourish in it. Nurture it.
And also to stop listening to the lazy things that get repeated about sensitivity.
Shyness is 80% learned
So many of the things we describe as personality traits (“that’s just who they are/I am”) are actually learned behaviours, or the result of childhood trauma or experiences. 80% of shyness, for example, is learned (you probably learned as a child that you should be quiet, take up less space, not have too much personality etc).
But we will stay trapped in these things as long as we keep seeing them as who we are, rather than just habitual thoughts and behaviours. You may be sensitive but you can learn not to be shy. You can learn to speak in crowded rooms, be assertive, be a leader – and still be fully connected to your sensitivity. In fact, you’re going to be even better because of this.
What I’m saying is that sensitivity doesn’t have to hold you back from anything. It’s just a different way of experiencing the world for which you need to learn a specific set of skills. Including boundaries, authenticity and courage. I can help you with all of these. And with anything else that your specific type of sensitivity might need. Whether you’re looking to be able to roll with the punches more or start throwing the metaphorical punches yourself (embracing anger is part of sensitivity but we don’t need to go around assaulting people).
If you want to move from sensitive to confident try this..
First, do some real self-discovery work (like resilience coaching!) so that you can find out who you actually are, rather than assuming you are what other people see you as, or continuing to believe the things your parents, teachers, relatives, old boss said. Maybe you’re not shy. Maybe your type of sensitivity is different to mine. Maybe some of the harder traits you associate with being sensitive are actually just learned behaviors from childhood traumas or poor parental modelling and can be changed.
Second, get clear on who you WANT to be. Anyone can be confident, resilient, motivated, assertive, empathetic, kind and courageous – these are learned behaviours not personality traits. And they are all on the table for sensitive people. But before you can be those things you’ve got to allow yourself to acknowledge that you want them – and then you’ve got to actively create them. Which is a daily process.
And if you’re ready to begin that daily process and start actively creating the resilience, confidence, courage, assertiveness, authenticity, self-belief etc you want for yourself then give me 2 months..
Book a free intro call today and I’ll show you how it works.
