If you are someone who tends to overthink things – and by that I mean you spend hours ruminating over something that happened in the past or playing out scenarios that could happen in the future – you’re wasting a lot of time and energy. And there is one thing that could help you stop – asking yourself the right question.
Why do we overthink?
It’s partly just habitual and it’s partly because it feels like it’s serving some key purpose in our lives. The habitual part is what often makes it seem impossible to stop being an overthinker. The likelihood is that you started overthinking when you were young and it’s something you’ve done ever since. As a result it’s going to feel like part of who you are.
You might describe yourself as “an overthinker” and call this process “natural.’ But the reality is that it’s just a behaviour that you’ve repeated more than others. There is nothing natural about it and it’s not part of anyone’s personality or make up. Neither is it so deeply ingrained that it can’t be changed. The simplest explanation is that you just need to repeat another behaviour more than this one and you’ll have a new habit.
“I’ll always be an overthinker”
If you’re stuck in an overthinking loop you might think that this is something you’re always going to do – because it’s so habitual. But that doesn’t have to be the case. As well as being a habit, overthinking is serving some kind of benefit. And by that I don’t necessarily mean it’s beneficial but it’s got a purpose that your mind considers to be necessary in order to get something. That could be, for example, that you think overthinking gives you some kind of control over the outcome. If you worry enough about something it won’t happen. Or if you worry enough it will go well. Or you may find it soothing to overthink. Or distracting from a reality maybe you don’t want to engage with. Sound familiar?
Changing overthinking for good
I work with a lot of clients who are stuck in an overthinking loop and the first step is often to challenge the validity of overthinking. Which you can do with this question:
Why don’t you ever overthink a single positive thought?
If overthinking meant what the word seems to mean then people who do it would also be overthinking positive thoughts and scenarios, right? But we don’t. Because this isn’t about thinking at all, it’s about anxiety. It’s a tool of anxiety. And, far from helping to manage anxiety, it’s actually making it worse by keeping you stuck in, and addicted to, negative thinking patterns.
How to stop overthinking
The way to stop overthinking is going to be different for everyone because we’re all different – and I’d highly recommend you book either a 90-min intensive session with me to look at this, as we can use that time change your experience forever. Because in the session we’ll be able to put the foundations to stop overthinking in place:
- Breaking the habit. Overthinking is just a set of thoughts you’re repeating regularly – it’s habitual behaviour. There are so many ways to break habitual thinking and leave space for other thoughts, ideas and insights.
- Changing your identity. We’ll work on removing the “I’m an overthinker” from how you see yourself as this is one of the quickest ways to create change.
- Identifying the “benefit.” Once you know what benefit you get from overthinking you can find another way to give this to yourself that doesn’t involve you being stuck in a mental loop.
Overthinking is not a life sentence, it’s a habit – and one that you can break quickly with the right support. Book an intro call with me today to find out more.
