Have you ever wondered how it is that some people handle rejection better than others? We all feel rejection. However, we don’t all interpret it in the same way. And if you want to handle rejection better then changing your interpretation of it is a very effective way to do it.
How do you deal with rejection?
The first thing to think about if you want to handle rejection better is how you currently deal with it. For example, I used to find it utterly devastating. If I was rejected I took it PERSONALLY. As far as I was concerned it was because there was something wrong with me. Which might be familiar to you too. Attachment style has a big role to play here – if you have an anxious attachment style, any kind of rejection is going to be very destabilising simply because of what your anxious attachment will tell you about that rejection means for you (“your life is over, you’re a terrible person. No one will ever want you”).
How would you like to handle rejection?
As I mentioned, I used to find any kind of rejection devastating. But today, although I don’t particularly enjoy it, rejection feels more like redirection. It’s data. A sign that someone isn’t the right person for me in relationships. Not someone I want as a friend. Not the job opportunity that I thought it was etc etc. I used to see this kind of thinking as delusional and think that you had to suffer after rejection and that’s just the way it is. But I was making my life so much harder by looking at it like this.
My tips – handling rejection in a healthy way
Changing how you deal with rejection doesn’t happen over night. It may also not be something you can do without some help. Because a lot of your rejection reaction is mindset based – and resilience dependent – this is something I can help with. These are the first few steps to focus on:
- Self-awareness. What’s your current attachment style? What are your internal narratives around rejection? What cognitive distortions are in there (e.g. all or nothing thinking “they don’t love me so no one ever will.”). You can’t change anything for future you if you don’t spend some time with current you first.
- Building self-trust. If you have an anxious attachment style this will be a part of the process of changing that. Building self-trust is going to create a sense of safety in a hard time (such as post-rejection) and allow you to nurture yourself through it. Instead of completely abandoning yourself and falling apart.
- Focusing on authenticity. Without a sense of who you are, why you do what you do, what you want and where you’re going, there is lots of empty space. This tends to be filled by self doubt, by fear and by catastrophising. Doing authenticity work – like the exercises I do with clients in resilience coaching – will give you clarity on all this so there is no room for self-doubt, fear and catastrophising. Instead you’ll have a solid sense of self – and self-belief – that means you can back yourself and love yourself in rejection situations. And, critically, not take the rejection personally because your self-worth isn’t dependent on not being rejected.
I know how hard rejection feels. And I have experienced it as devastating. If that’s where you are right now I promise you that it’s not the end of the story. It may seem impossible that you’ll ever not be affected this badly by rejection but by making the right internal shifts it will have far less of an impact. Want to find out how? Book an intro call and let’s chat.
