I’m a mid-life woman and I can’t tell you how much I dreaded getting to this place. It kind of felt like a deadline. Get everything you want done by this point because it’s the end of everything good. And there is no doubt that perimenopause has absolutely kicked my ass in terms of fatigue and riding the wave of mad hormones. But something else has happened too: I feel liberated.
The liberation is real
There is something about reaching mid life that is so liberating. I don’t have children and I’m not married, so I’m also dealing with the judgments people make about those things, as well as not being in my 20s or 30s anymore. Surely the perfect storm for a miserable, lonely life.. So why do I feel so powerful? Why am I the happiest I’ve ever been? Why am I excited about the future? The liberation here is real. Mid life feels like the most exciting beginning I’ve ever had.
It’s mindset that makes it
Obviously I have an advantage being a resilience coach who focuses on mindset. But to be honest it’s much harder to coach yourself than other people, so it’s not that much of a head start. But I do know that when it comes to anything hormonal, all it’s doing is amplifying the mindset underneath. I know this because my PMT used to be a time when I would be filled with self hatred, collapse into shame and completely shut down. Now that I’ve dealt with the underlying self-criticism, self-doubt, shame, low confidence and lack of resilience my PMT today is very mild. So, I think mindset makes a huge difference to perimenopause experience.
Develop the best mid-life mindset – 4 tips
Heal your shame. This is what makes you feel ashamed of getting older, looking older, not being a parent/not being a perfect parent, hiding parts of yourself you think others won’t like or falling into cycles of addiction and numbing with alcohol, food, exercise, sex spending etc. If you do nothing else, this will entirely change your mid-life experience.
Undo your social conditioning. Age shame – and narratives around mid life being the end of everything – come from social conditioning. Ideas of what a woman “should” be, what makes a woman valuable, what’s ok or not ok for a mid life woman also come from social conditioning. I’ll help you put all this in the bin and start with a blank slate – book an intro call here to chat about how.
Lean into the rage. An increase in anger is something a lot of us experience at this age. I think it’s partly hormones. But it’s also partly getting so fed up with putting others first, or trying not to be ‘difficult,’ or having let people shame your body, or put up with unfairness, unequal treatment, harassment or being talked over or dismissed and saying nothing. It’s GOOD for these things to bother you. They are wrong, so they should bother you. Lean into the power of anger. Let yourself embody it. This isn’t about taking it out on other people, it’s about letting yourself feel it. Which is something not many women who can to mid life actually allow themselves to do. The energy of it is big – and motivating.
Dream big. Enough with this idea that mid life is where it ends. This is where it BEGINS. You don’t necessarily have to make any changes in your life right now – you might not have the time or the energy for that. But you can change the limits that you’ve got in your mindset around what’s possible for you now. This is simply about noticing dreams and desires and taking them seriously instead of dismissing them. It’s about taking the time to think about what you actually want to do, instead of what you should do. It’s about using tools like visualistion to start altering what you perceive as possible. Which is going to change how you think and behave – and the opportunities you see for yourself (thanks to the Reticular Activating System).
If you’re a mid-life woman who feels lost, invisible, stuck – or has no idea who you are or what you want next – I’m glad you found me. I can take you through the process of developing powerful self-belief, finding out who you really are, and using your mental and physical resources to take control of your life again. Book an intro call with me and let’s chat.
