You can shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Sorry but do you ever think about where this idea comes from – the idea of ageing “gracefully” – and what it actually means.
If you look for a definition of the word graceful, it is always about being “attractive.” E.g. moving in an attractive way that shows control; having a smooth, attractive form.(Oxford Learners Dictionary).
Attractive to who? Well men, of course.
Ageing gracefully means…
So, ladies, you need to age in a way that is attractive to men ok? Doesn’t matter if you’re feral with exhaustion, driven mad by menopausal lack of sleep, feeling like your body belongs to someone else, anxious, lonely, lost – never mind all that, just make sure you look attractive while you’re doing it ok?
Gosh what a lot of sh*t the patriarchy is.
This kind of programming runs deep in someone of my generation. Maybe yours too. And the big problem with it is that it comes with so much shame. It defines these impossible to reach standards that are focused only on women in the context of our usefulness to men – and if you don’t reach them? Well you should be ashamed.
And, in my experience, other women are often the first to let you know that you’re not conforming (thanks internalised misogyny).
Ageing shame
Shame around ageing is something I am increasingly helping women with. It undermines our entire experience of the incredible privilege that is getting older. And it lies – women get powerful as we get older, wise, strong, uncompromising and inspirational. But not if we’re constantly trying to be “graceful.”
Shame is not an emotion humans self-generate. It’s imposed on us by someone else who is trying to control us. In this case, a society determined to keep women oppressed and ashamed.
The solution? Notice how often you – or the people around you – repeat things that contain the narratives of age shame because this is creating your belief in how you “should” be as a woman.
Then come and do some authenticity work with me. Because conforming to things like “ageing gracefully” might make you feel good for a little while, or when you’re getting validation from others, but it’s a weak and unreliable power source. It’s not real confidence. And it’s going to stop you ever finding out who you really are and tapping into that life-affirming clarity.
Ready to change the narrative and get that clarity? Book a free intro call with me today.
