What makes a good leader? If you look at a lot of the dominant cultural narratives it’s someone who is loud, forceful, magnetic, charming, decisive, masculine and dominant. But in reality? Unless you’re living in a comic book or a 1980s film, it’s the ability to connect to others. Whether you’re making someone feel seen and respected, asking for honesty or being empathetic during difficult times, connection is what makes people engage with leaders – and follow them.
Being a resilient leader starts with your relationship with you
Resilience – the mental flexibility we have to bounce back and spring forward in life – requires a lot of self-awareness. My resilience model includes authenticity work, emotional regulation, mindset and habit change, nervous system work and releasing the impact of the past. Because these are all the things that determine how we cope with life. Often we have no awareness that the problems we create for ourselves are coming from these sources – and making us less resilient. So, it’s vital to make self-awareness part of the process if you don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. The same is true for leaders – it all starts with the relationship you have with you.
Leadership resilience and connection
The reason it all starts with you is because this is the most important connection we will ever have in life. It’s the blueprint for how we treat other people. It’s the foundation of how much we can inspire, engage, support and understand others. And when this connection is flawed or lacking, that’s when we find people in leadership positions who are toxic to work with. People who have anger issues because they haven’t unwound the influence of the past. Who micromanage because they are insecure and can’t emotionally regulate. Who undermine themselves by trying to be liked because they haven’t dealt with the mindset of being a people pleaser. Who bully and shame others because they’ve never faced up to their own inability to cope with failure.
Personal vs professional
The myth of being ‘professional’ at work and yourself at home is laid bare by everything I’ve listed above. None of us can leave our challenges at the office door. Especially those that are being triggered by the subconscious – that we may not even be aware we’re doing. That’s why it’s so important to face up to all of you and build 360 degree self awareness. So you can lead from the front, no skeletons and no fears.
Resilience and leadership
When I work with leaders there is plenty that we can focus on in terms of the specific pressures of managing people and driving organisations forward. But it always starts with a deep dive into who you really are. The good news is that, once we’ve done this, we’ve often uprooted some of the biggest challenges that someone had at work. Which means that the process takes us a lot further towards professional goals than clients anticipate self-awareness ever could. It also makes it easier to be a great leader. Because the energy is clear, confident, authentic and there is nothing to hide.
If you – or someone in your organisation – is struggling with a leadership role and would like to develop more resilience, book an intro call and let’s chat. I also offer team training on resilience and leadership. Plus, if you’re a leader looking to develop more resilience you can download my free guide to 5 Questions to Increase Stress Resilience.
