I wish there were more statistics on how often the inner critic is responsible for the chances we don’t take, the anxiety we can’t get out of, the perspectives that constantly steal our joy etc. But, in the absence of empirical data, there is powerful anecdotal evidence – your experiences, my experiences and those of the people I coach and others who share their stories.
It is a revelation to turn the volume down on the inner critic – but you’ve got to know it’s there first. So, here are a few signs that the inner critic has entered the chat.
- You start “should” ing everywhere. Any time we use the word ‘should,’ we’re being judgmental. Of ourselves or others. So look out for this word, as it means the inner critic is at the wheel.
- You notice a physical shift. The impact of your inner critic on your nervous system is often noticeable. We respond to being shamed, judged or criticised by ourselves as if being physically threatened. That could be a simple pang of anxiety in your guts or a full on nervous system reaction.
- You feel like giving up or not trying. The job of the inner critic is to keep you safe. And the simplest way to do that is to ensure you stay away from anything that involves risk, whether that’s being vulnerable in relationships, trying something you’ve never done before or speaking up for your needs or rights. That’s why your inner critic often uses the messages of “it’s too hard, it’s not for me, it’s not worth it” so that you stay exactly where you are.
- Comparison. If there is one easy way to shame someone into submission it’s by comparing them negatively to someone else. If another human did this to you in person you’d probably have a pretty low opinion of them. But we often just accept it as the truth when the inner critic does it. This can be as simple as looking at a photo on instagram and feeling shame because you’re not doing as well as that person. Regardless of the fact that instagram is a highlights reel and one photo tells you nothing about what’s really happening in their life.
If you’d like to find out more about how to choose a different narrative – and shut off the voice of the inner critic – book a free 10 min intro call.
