Procrastinating
Shame has a paralysing impact on use and that often shows up as what we describe as “procrastinating.” But it’s really an inability to act because we are physically and mentally stuck in shame. Heal the shame to release its grip and get moving again.
Low self-esteem
One of the consequences of feeling shame is negative thoughts about yourself that you really believe – creating low self-esteem. But no one is born with this, we learn it. And we can unlearn it too. The antidote is building self-trust through creating a self-compassionate inner narrative. We are powerful when we are nurtured.
Bad body image
Shame forces comparison. It’s like someone saying to you “ok maybe you feel good about yourself today but have you seen how much better she looks?” We live in a society where women are taught our value is in our looks. And we are shamed for physical “flaws” like cellulite that are just part of having a human body. If you have bad body image, shame is going to be part of the problem. Uprooting shame – and rejecting shame-filled social conditioning – will change how you feel about your appearance, no diets or exercise involved.
Worrying what other people thing
This can become an obsession. It’s often a response to shame because if we can just get others to like and approve of us then maybe we can like and approve of ourselves. The reality is we will never truly know what others think. The answer is learning to focus only on what you think of you – and for that to be comforting, validating and enough.
Fear of ageing
Like bodies, age is another target for social conditioning-derived shame. Again, most of us were raised to believe we have value only when we are young. This couldn’t be further from the truth. When you start celebrating aging as the powerful privilege it is, lean into it and take back the narrative of what it means to get older shame evaporates.
Self-sabotage
Shame feels like pain; a discomfort so powerful we’ll do almost anything to get rid of the feeling. Alcohol, food, exercise, s*x, spending, social media, streaming, alone time, socialising – all fine in moderation, can end up as numbing tools we overuse and feel out of control with. Confront the shame, deal with the feelings and these habits become so much easier to break.
The thing about shame is that most of us think we don’t have any. We tend to associate it with the worst things in life either being done to us or by us. But shame is being communicated to you every time you see a body-judgmental headline or someone tells you that you “should” be something other than you are.
It has no value to humans – other than to those who want to control others. It’s an externally generated emotion that can be used to control us.
And when you start to heal it and remove it from your life you’ll not only see a reduction in self-sabotage, procrastinating, body image and self-criticism but also start to really believe that the best way to thrive at life is simply to be you. Loudly, messily, unapologetically, audaciously you.
If you’re ready to do some shame healing self-compassion is the key – and developing this is at the heart of resilience coaching. Book an intro call and I’ll show you how it works.
