There is one foolproof way to never get rejected and here it is: don’t do anything, ever.
Sorry if you were expecting something else but that really is the only way. Rejection is one of the most painful experiences for many of us. There are the obvious things like being dumped or ghosted but also anything that feels even mildly like being unwanted – people not replying to emails, friends cancelling plans – can trigger that hollow, frightening feeling. If you’re sensitive to rejection you’re going to find all this hard.
Many of us try to avoid getting rejected
That’s the route we take out of this painful place. “How can I structure my life in order to avoid having to experience this again” – that’s the plan we follow. On a surface level maybe it makes sense. But there’s no healing likely to happen here because you’re avoiding what you fear. And when we avoid what we fear, we tend to start fearing it more.
The answer is… more rejection
Rejection sensitivity is something that tends to be the result of childhood trauma. So, the first step is always going to be investigating where that has come from and why it’s there. All of us have a little sensitivity to rejection but some of us can’t handle it at all. For those people (which used to be me too btw) when we get rejected it completely destroys self-perception and self-worth and, frankly, makes it feel like life is not worth living. This is a sign of a rejection sensitivity that has been amplified by trauma – and that needs some attention. Whether you work with a coach like me or a therapist. But once you’ve started to heal that initial hurt, getting better at rejection involves being rejected more. Yes, really.
THIS is how you never get rejected
Condition yourself to be able to deal with the discomfort of rejection. Because if you can do that then you’re never going to experience that absolute destruction that rejection can bring when we don’t feel like we can cope with it. Right now, rejection is probably outside your comfort zone. So, any time it happens you’re going to experience a lot of discomfort. But it’s only outside your comfort zone because you’ve been avoiding it. And if you get rejected a few times – and survive it (which you will) – you’re going to realise it really isn’t the big bad wolf that it seems. In fact, it’s entirely possible that you’ll start to see rejection very differently if we work together – a little like this:
Rejection is redirection
This is the big mindset shift that totally takes the sting out of rejection. If you get rejected it’s actually pretty useful. Because it means that the person/job/situation in question really isn’t right for you. If you can start to see things that way then you’ll never really suffer with rejection. Need a little help doing that? We’ll cover it in resilience coaching. But to begin, work on your self-esteem. Having a compassionate inner voice and high self-esteem will allow you to stop you judging you for being rejected and just observe it as a practical redirection instead. That means you’ll change how it feels to be rejected – you’ll be removing the shame, the embarrassment and any implications about your lovableness or self-worth. Instead, it’s just data you can use to make different choices.
Being resilient means taking the smartest view on your life – and removing anything that you’re putting in your own way (knowingly or not) that is making it harder. The way you view rejection is a great example of how this works and how you can switch from painful struggle to rational calm.
Want to find out more? Book a free intro call with me and I’ll explain how this works.