Which sounds funny.
But I felt mortified.
Because I didn’t apologise. Or even make eye contact. I just stomped away like I was Arnold Schwarzenegger. The truth was that I was finding the workout hard. I was ‘in the zone.’ And I wanted to get quickly to the next station to get through it.My body was working really hard and all my resources were focused on that.
In reality, I’m not sure that person even noticed.
But ‘doing it wrong’ like that was a trigger for me that would in the past have left me crippled with shame.
This is what my inner critic told me:
- EVERYONE saw that.
- That was really embarrssing.
- It looked like you were showing off when you have nothing to show off about.
- You think you’re such a big deal you don’t have to be polite to people.
- Everyone thinks you’re a weirdo.
- You don’t fit in. You don’t belong.
PHEW. What a lot of shame.
The smallest things can trigger these waves of shame
And shame can crush the biggest dreams, plans and confidence.
That’s why, if shame is a problem for you, dealing with it differently can be a life changer.
This is what we do with shame:
Put it in perspective with some firm compassion (no one will remember that today. Everyone does weird sh*t in the gym when they’re really pushing themselves)
Comfort yourself. Shame is a horrible feeling and often triggers a physical anxiety reaction. So physically calming yourself can help to counter it. When your body is calm you’re more likely to be able to see things clearly, without shame adding pain.
Share. Shame cannot survive empathy and all that takes is someone saying “oh god me too, I fell off the rower last week I was going so hard..”
Maybe you’ve never done a burpee on someone’s foot. But I know that you will have felt the burning sensation of shame over something that (you will later see) didn’t really matter. Developing shame resilience is “finally letting in the sunlight” into your mind (a quote from a client).
If shame haunts you, please know that there is nothing wrong with you. And you don’t have to keep feeling like this. Freedom is possible. And probably closer than you think.
Book an intro call with me to talk about how resilience coaching is a game-changer where releasing shame is concerned.
