“It’s so disrespectful they take this long to reply.”
“What they did obviously means they are thinking something awful about me.”
“I could tell from the look on their face that they were judging me.”
“I can’t believe they’ve done that. Why does everyone treat me like I don’t matter.”
That’s what the inner critic can sound like
A self-critical narrative doesn’t encourage you to see things clearly. To see other perspectives, to challenge your assumptions or to recognise that so much of the things other people say and do to you isn’t about you at all. Neither does it help you to be assertive and set boundaries. Instead, it encourages you to see the worst in every behaviour and communication – reinforcing negative feelings about yourself.
And when we feel negative about ourselves like that – full of shame, embarrassed, guilty, sad, lonely, scared etc – that’s when we are the most primed to slip into our worst habits and behaviours that aren’t really us.
Reflection can show us where this has happened
If you look back over your life you will probably notice moments when you reacted, lashed out, said something you later regretted or did something out of character because you’d been listening to an inner voice telling you a story about what other people’s actions mean about you.
And usually it all comes back to “I’m not good enough” I’m not worthy.” or “I’m not enough.”
They are disrespecting me because I’m not worthy of respect.
They’re thinking something awful about me because i”m not good enough.
They’re judging me because I’m not good enough.
They treat me like I don’t matter because I’m not enough.
Focus on what you can control – less inner criticism
You’ll never be able to control what others say to you. But you can control what you say to yourself. And if what you say to yourself is kind and honest and nurturing then what you hear externally is just going to matter less.
Imagine hearing kindness instead of criticism in your own head. And if you’re ready to stop imagining and start making it a reality then you’re in the right place. Because I’ve helped so many people to make this shift.
Ready for less inner critic?
Often the criticisms and cruelties of others hurt so much because they reflect what we’re saying to ourselves on repeat. That’s what makes them feel so close to the bone and which primes us to have a big emotional reaction.
Some big emotional reactions are fully justified.
But in other situations it just doesn’t help you to have one – it sends your nervous system into chaos – which feels hard and isn’t necessary.
If you want to be less reactive then it all starts with undoing the influence of the inner critic. And if you’ve read this far I’d say you’re pretty fed up of yours. Helping people dial down the volume on your inner critic is what I do. So, let’s chat. Book a free intro call today.
