Do you want to know who has it all figured out by age 40? No one. So, stop putting so much pressure on yourself to do that – or shaming yourself for not being there yet.
You’re not too old, it’s not too late
In my experience as a coach, one of the biggest limits we put on ourselves is age. “I’m too old” or “it’s too late” are things I hear frequently and every time we say them, we dent our own confidence and self-belief. If you are someone who has bought into ‘life milestones’ based on doing certain things by a certain age then you are trapping yourself in someone else’s idea of what makes a happy and fulfilling life, instead of working out for yourself what is going to create this for you. You’re also highly likely to find yourself feeling confused and disorientated when you hit those milestones and don’t get the validation you thought you’d feel. Because 9 times out of 10 that’s the result.
Why are you trapping yourself in age limits?
Social conditioning – the dominant cultural narratives we absorb via our networks, media etc – puts a lot of emphasis on age being relevant. And this is reinforced by the examples we see of people of a certain age only doing certain things – and not doing others. This can create a huge amount of pressure to tick off certain things by a certain age before you ‘run out of time.’ Or certain things become impossible. And 40 is often the deadline we seem to set ourselves. I guess it’s roughly midlife by most estimates.
But you really don’t have to look far to find examples of people who are doing things outside of the age limits within which we have been taught those things are possible. Are those people exceptions to the rule or are they just the only ones who have decided to ignore the rules altogether? Start a family, run a marathon, build a business, find your voice, start setting boundaries, swim the Channel.. people do these things at 25 or 52. Age is not the determining factor – and you are wasting your own life if you tell yourself it is.
Confidence comes from knowing your own mind – and making your own plan
There are so many things that have so much more influence over what you’re capable of at any stage in life. Including:
Physical fitness. There are 50 year olds on TikTok learning calisthenics for the first time and being able to walk on their hands by 53. You don’t have to deteriorate as you age – many people sustain strength and mobility and some even improve it.
Lifestyle. Do you feed your body and brain with sunlight, stimulation, activity, joy, pleasure, connection and newness? If you feel low on energy, bored, useless, past it, on the shelf etc, your lifestyle choices are likely having more influence on how you feel than your chronological age (how long you’ve been on this earth).
Health. Smoking, alcohol, poor diet, overeating, undereating. Chronological age is just one measure of age – biological age is another. Your biological age is how old your cells are – this is way more relevant to your daily life experience and is influenced by factors like those that relate to your health. Unlike chronological age, you can turn back the hands of time on your biological age by changing your health habits.
Your mindset. Are you still stuck in the hard experiences of your childhood, hung up on a past hurt, too anxious to take risks or feeling trapped in negativity about no longer being young? Whatever you’re filing your mindset with is going to influence how you behave. So, it will directly affect what you’re capable of, no matter what age you’re at. If you don’t believe things are possible you won’t even try to do them. Did you know you can change a negative or people pleasing mindset for a much more optimistic, boundaried and encouraging one? Book a discovery call with me and ask me how if you’re curious.
Take some action and forget about your age
Age is not the determining factor in what you can – or can’t – do and shaming yourself for not meeting imagined milestones by age 40 is counterproductive because it will stop you taking action to reach your goals. What you can do instead:
- Mindset stories around age milestones are bullsh*t social conditioning. Why are you limiting yourself with a generic and old fashioned view of life? Challenge them and change them.
- What’s the real problem? Often, an obsession with age milestones is an avoidance of something else – you don’t like your body, your job leaves you cold, you aren’t being yourself with the people who matter.
- Where do you lack confidence? Self-belief is more powerful than ticking boxes. Build that up and you’ll free yourself from comparison and worrying what others think.
- Give yourself a break! Can you hear how hard you are on yourself? Try celebrating everything you have achieved instead of focusing on what isn’t there and see how much more motivated you feel.
Life isn’t linear. Ticking off milestones so that you can fit in with the majority – or compete with others – won’t make you happy. Work with me and I will empower you to see your true value and real potential so you can start living authentically and true to what matters to you. I want to help you to love every day in your beautiful skin and relentlessly go for the life you want.
Do you know who has it all figured out by age 40? No one. At least no one who has real self-awareness and is being honest about their experience. And do you know what you can’t do over 40? NOTHING. Part of being truly resilient is throwing off these limiting beliefs about what is possible for us. I am here to help you stop living a limited life like this and find out how it feels to be free and fulfill all your potential.
Book an intro call and let’s chat about how I can help you start to really live your life.
