I saw this Instagram post the other day – someone talking about how when you love someone but know they’re not right for you it’s a contest between head vs heart. The head knows you should leave, the heart wants you to stay.
I read it and I felt my intuition ping. NOPE. That intuitively feels wrong.
I hate all those kinds of tropes anyway. They seem harmless but they are often how we repeat negative social conditioning and unhelpful thinking to ourselves and others – and trap ourselves further. Like:
“A watched pot never boils.” Actually, it does.
“Good things come to those who wait.” Good things come to those who act.
“Time heals everything.” Sitting and waiting for the passage of time heals nothing. Processing the impact of your past and actively seeking out growth is what heals.
“Boys will be boys..” don’t even get me started on that one.
Head vs heart vs trauma
I think the heart gets a really bad rap. Mainly because we live in a society that has written it off as the ‘weak and emotional’ part of us. Or because we see love as this out-of-control, intense and all-consuming experience thanks to films and TV. But think about this..
Staying with someone you know isn’t right for you is a reaction to past trauama. Or it’s attachment issues. Or it’s adaptive behaviour you learned as a child. Or it’s people pleasing. Or it’s fear of being alone. All of those things happen largely in your analytical mind – which is in your HEAD.
The heart had no fingers in any of those pies!
Intuition, on the other hand, comes from the heart. The body. It’s a clear, strong pull in one direction with no “but what if I never meet anyone else” or “what if I’m wrong and he was the one” rumination to cloud it. It actually meets the ‘cool and logical’ definition way more accurately than the mind often does.
There is so much wisdom in the body and so much relief in getting out of a busy and over-analytical mind. Maybe next time you’re facing a difficulty or a decision you could try using some peaceful body intelligence to do it.
Here’s something anyone can try: set a timer for 5 mins and sit in silence and just breathe. What intuitively comes up?
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