Unwinding the influence of shame on my mindset changed the course of my professional life.
Most of us don’t realise how much shame we feel on a daily basis because we’re not conditioned to notice it. But if you regularly tell yourself you “should” have done things differently, struggle with comparison, can’t say no, don’t love how you look or give up quickly then feeling shame is really affecting your life.
Feeling shame is habitual behaviour – it can be changed
The good news is that feeling shame is something we can heal – I do this with clients all the time in resilience coaching and I’ve done this for myself. This is what changed for me, professionally, when Iunwound the influence of shame on my resilience coaching career.
I feel good about charging for what I do
Initially I didn’t charge at all until I realised this was all about a fear of not being able to live up to expectations (i.e. failure) if I was being paid. Shame says you can’t fail. Shame says you must be perfect to be worth it. Take that out of the narrative and you’re able to get curious about how to approach things and actually see the true value of what you do.
I’ve stopped feeling shame at having to chase
Shame used to tell me that I was being ignored – emails or messages – because I was unwanted or not worthy. So, I just gave up (or got annoyed) and let potential leads go. Which really damaged my business for a long time. Unanswered emails felt really personal then but today I just see this as part of the selling process.
Instead of feeling shame, now I problem solve
I have a problem-solving mindset now. I knew I was good at resilience coaching (and the testimonials supported that) but was ashamed that I couldn’t generate much new business. What I didn’t realise was that the shame was making it impossible to take action to change that. Today, I am constantly curious, thinking up solutions, asking questions, exploring why people did or didn’t sign up with me because I’m no longer paralysed by shame.
I am not what I do
My worth is disconnected from what I do – shame was what required external events to go my way for me to feel good. Because of the shame, if someone said no – or a lead didn’t work out – it felt like a huge personal failure. Today, my self-worth is ring-fenced and I can refill it any time I want without anything needing to ‘go right’ for me with work.
I confidently present my offer for the value-filled experience it really is
When I was trapped in shame narratives I approached every situation feeling like I was begging someone to buy from me. That seems like madness now I truly see how transformative my interventions have been – is there anything that’s worth the money more than something that will completely change your life?
I see opportunities everywhere
Which is a contrast to the scarcity, feeling shame filled mindset I used to have, which told me generating business would be hard and reaching new clients a struggle. As soon as I started to see things differently, work just seemed to appear like magic (this is actually just a part of the brain called the Reticular activating system).
Very few of us consider shame as a reason why we might be stalled at work or stuck professionally. But, from perfectionism to procrastination, to getting the ick about selling or being unable to set boundaries over hours, it’s there influencing everything. Releasing it is one of the best ways to accelerate your professional life in the right direction. I’d love to show you how – book a free intro call and let’s chat.
