Have you ever found yourself stuck in comparison to other people. Or heard your partner/sister/mum compare you to “everyone else?” Unfortunately, this is a common way we self-sabotage and manipulate – and it can do a lot of damage. In reality, there’s no such thing as “everyone else” or “other people” – so why do we compare ourselves to this mythical group so much? (and how can you stop).
We do this because someone else taught us to. For example:
“Other people don’t behave as badly as you.”
“Everyone else does well at school.”
“You’re the only one who is sensitive.”
And as we get older..
“Other people have more money.”
“Everyone else can work these hours.”
“No one else behaves like this after a break up.”
There is no such thing as “everyone else” or “other people” who are getting it all right and doing better than you. Some are, some aren’t. This is habitual self-sabotage (if you’re using it against yourself) or manipulation (if someone is saying it to you).
A tip to stop the self-sabotage (and manipulation)
- Ban yourself from using this damaging, comparative term. Find other ways to say what you mean instead.
- And if it’s coming from someone else, challenge it. Because if someone says that “everyone else is doing things this way” and you say “are they?” the only honest answer (unless you’re an all-knowing god in human form) has to be “I don’t actually know.”
“Everyone else” is a prime example of the damaging narratives that can keep us very stuck in life – and mean we limit ourselves continuously through self-shaming, self-sabotage and comparison. I’ve picked this up numerous times in clients and helped them to notice when it’s happening when they had no idea it was such a consistent problem. The result? A release from that icky feeling that you’re just not doing as well as you should be, that luck is scarce and your potential is limited – and the freedom to focus on what is going right and what you do have the opportunity to do instead.
Want to know what this actually looks like in reality? Have a look at my testimonials and Facebook reviews. Or book a free intro call to find out how resilience coaching could help you self-sabotage less.
